because i checked my sitemeter and feedburner and see that there are still people visiting, but i'm having a lot of trouble finding inspiration. maybe it's because i am, yet again, approaching between-two-jobs limbo, on my way back into the classroom, this time in a charter school setting, helping to found the kind of school (i hope) i'd like to start. maybe it's because my mother, while she's on the mend, is far from out of the woods, and it worries me more than i like to admit. maybe it's because i feel selfish as the child that insists on far-away-cross-country independence from her family, even during trying times like these. maybe it's because i can't figure out how to run the a/c in my room at night without getting sick, which means i am getting (almost) no sleep. maybe it's because i can't wait for the raise and expanded sense of security the new job will bring. maybe it's because i wouldn't mind a new boyfriend, as in someone i actually like beyond drinks-after-work, hookups-on-friday-nights, text-messages-when-we're-bored (as cute and funny as the current men in those slots might be).
i don't really know why it is. i'm still reading and writing and thinking and planning. it's just that none of it makes it to this text box.
oh well.
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
still mourning
and struggling with nervous energy. hardly made it out of the apartment this weekend. made it to the laundromat, to the grocery store. that's about it. i have eaten fairly well, though, and i'm thinking i'll share those pictures with y'all sometime soon.
things i'm excited about-
things i'm excited about-
- nectar, harlem vintage's new wine bar
- this monokini
- going home to see the fam
- figuring out how to resolve my relationship issues with the actor boy
- weather!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
password
random note: i don't know if this is happening to you, but a weird pop-down menu greets me when i come to my own blog, asking if i have a password. i don't know what the fuck that is. i am sorry if you're experiencing it as well. if you're not, i am worried about the state of my sorry computer...
also, this is not turning out to be the best week ever. fuck it all, vh1, why can't you leave a little "best"-ness for the rest of us? having a lot of drama at work, created a little personal drama for myself by pressing the wrong button on my cellphone (numerous times) tonight, and am looking at even more drama presenting itself in the office tomorrow. at least i have good friends (new and old) to help me figure it all out (and/or to listen to me babble nonsensically and offer necessarily nonsensical advice).
it's only tuesday.
bring it on, week! i think i'm ready.
also, this is not turning out to be the best week ever. fuck it all, vh1, why can't you leave a little "best"-ness for the rest of us? having a lot of drama at work, created a little personal drama for myself by pressing the wrong button on my cellphone (numerous times) tonight, and am looking at even more drama presenting itself in the office tomorrow. at least i have good friends (new and old) to help me figure it all out (and/or to listen to me babble nonsensically and offer necessarily nonsensical advice).
it's only tuesday.
bring it on, week! i think i'm ready.
Monday, March 31, 2008
he's through with white girls?
haha. those of you who know me thought this post was about someone we know, eh? nope. that will never happen :). read on after the jump...
"i'm through with white girls" is a movie, and one that i think i may want to see? just for the kitsch factor? just to be able to say i actually heard those words come out of a blipster man's mouth (even if it is for a script)? ;p. whatevs. check out the site!
"i'm through with white girls" is a movie, and one that i think i may want to see? just for the kitsch factor? just to be able to say i actually heard those words come out of a blipster man's mouth (even if it is for a script)? ;p. whatevs. check out the site!
maybe spring?
so last week was insanely busy in havestrength's world, and i'm woefully behind in terms of keeping up with the news of the day. the weather is also getting warmer, and that alone makes it harder to spend evenings/afternoons/mornings in front of my computer browsing google reader rather than out and about, sitting/walking/laughing/eating in the sunshine. i have a feeling that as weather improves my current event-tracking is going to become quite feeble. i will have to depend on some of my more informed friends to keep me on track. :)
a few things that i've found out there in the world, though, that may be of interest:
a few things that i've found out there in the world, though, that may be of interest:
- alice walker on obama @ the root
- an old post of mine, consisting of one of my favorite love poems, "salt" by lucille clifton
- great post @ afrobella on the benefits of the "pre-poo." i used oyin handmade's whipped pudding and some olive oil on saturday, with great results!
- aichlee over at brave star is doing wonderful things with videoblogging and women's poetry. check her out.
- the posts (cord's and lauren's) on blackness at stereohyped are pretty smart. read up! and then if you're in nyc come to the theorizing blackness conference on friday. i'll be there, playing hooky from work, because theorizing blackness is totally worth a vacation day?
- lastly, will smith's kids are too fucking adorable. damn.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
blogs about me?
hmmm.
double hmmm.
latoya over at racialicious did some numbers on herself to figure out how she shapes up based on all of these "identity" sites. i kinda want to, but as you all know, i already have issues with my blackness. ;)
check it allllllll out.
double hmmm.
latoya over at racialicious did some numbers on herself to figure out how she shapes up based on all of these "identity" sites. i kinda want to, but as you all know, i already have issues with my blackness. ;)
check it allllllll out.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
proving your _____-ness. fill in the freaking blank.
so i ran across this article at times today (it's listed as one of the "most emailed.") basically, the article is titled "how do you prove you're a jew?" and it has me thinking about an experience i had this weekend with some friends.
i never have to prove my jewishness. i am not a jew. i do, however, sometimes feel that i am asked to prove my blackness. it's something i resent and that i have struggled to deal with and get past my entire life.
(more after the jump)
one reason the whole argument over barack obama's blackness never made sense to me is the fact that i have often been accused of not being "black enough" and both of my parents are black. i have no white mom to confuse my identity. i do, though, have a variety of experiences and a history of self-doubt and low self-esteem that have created an adult who still wrestles with "proving herself."
so back to this weekend. i was hanging out with a boy. a boy that i have a humongous crush on. we went to the black comedy experiment on friday, and the apollo on saturday. it was nice. he's cute. he's smart. he's funny. he's also BLACK (yes, in all caps, just like i told my friend laura a few days ago). i, on the other hand, am black (yes, in all lowercase). he went to an HBCU. i went to a top ten small liberal arts school. he was a tv junkie as a child; i was only allowed to watch tv for a few hours on saturday, after i finished my chores. he loves 90s hip-hop and other "black" music; my fanatical parents only really let me listen to the radio once i was in high school. before that, i was relegated to james dobson's focus on the family, d.c. talk, and jars of clay.
we are different, yes. but is it our "levels" of blackness that are in question? if so, what is this checklist of things that "real" black people must aspire to fulfill?
now, i know that there are tons of complications (in my own mind as well as in the minds of others) on this issue. a few of the ones that come to mind:
sometimes i am still the 11 year old girl i once was, with glasses and braces, feeling uncomfortable at the BSA meeting at the prep school i was only able to attend with an almost-full scholarship and countless sacrifices on the parts of my parents. the other black kids at the school, and in BSA, had parents who drove mercedes and lived in big houses in nice parts of town. they called me an "oreo" while laughing at the uniform clothes my mom found for me in the lost and found. i was the inauthentic one, always, because i didn't think the black scholarship boys, who came from liberty city and overtown and played football, were so exciting as to be worthy of my adoration. my hair wasn't permed or pressed yet, and i liked to read and study and get good grades.
any ____-ness, any identity, has its markers, i know. and i know there are any number of reasons to feel like an outcast in a situation. i also know that i was just a nerd, and that was just as viable a reason for the kids to make fun of me as any other. i guess i just feel like i didn't, and don't, want to have to change to be able to be seen as part of my race. if i can't sit at the cool kids' table, so be it. but to not be black because i don't hate acapella singing groups? damn.
that smarts.
i never have to prove my jewishness. i am not a jew. i do, however, sometimes feel that i am asked to prove my blackness. it's something i resent and that i have struggled to deal with and get past my entire life.
(more after the jump)
one reason the whole argument over barack obama's blackness never made sense to me is the fact that i have often been accused of not being "black enough" and both of my parents are black. i have no white mom to confuse my identity. i do, though, have a variety of experiences and a history of self-doubt and low self-esteem that have created an adult who still wrestles with "proving herself."
so back to this weekend. i was hanging out with a boy. a boy that i have a humongous crush on. we went to the black comedy experiment on friday, and the apollo on saturday. it was nice. he's cute. he's smart. he's funny. he's also BLACK (yes, in all caps, just like i told my friend laura a few days ago). i, on the other hand, am black (yes, in all lowercase). he went to an HBCU. i went to a top ten small liberal arts school. he was a tv junkie as a child; i was only allowed to watch tv for a few hours on saturday, after i finished my chores. he loves 90s hip-hop and other "black" music; my fanatical parents only really let me listen to the radio once i was in high school. before that, i was relegated to james dobson's focus on the family, d.c. talk, and jars of clay.
we are different, yes. but is it our "levels" of blackness that are in question? if so, what is this checklist of things that "real" black people must aspire to fulfill?
now, i know that there are tons of complications (in my own mind as well as in the minds of others) on this issue. a few of the ones that come to mind:
- when white people do/like/are interested in things that are given other racial markers (i.e., things that aren't listed on what white people like), they are regarded with suspicion and considered to be co-opting another culture.
- when black people "sell out" and support/do things that are considered to be negative for their own race, they're seen as "oreos"
sometimes i am still the 11 year old girl i once was, with glasses and braces, feeling uncomfortable at the BSA meeting at the prep school i was only able to attend with an almost-full scholarship and countless sacrifices on the parts of my parents. the other black kids at the school, and in BSA, had parents who drove mercedes and lived in big houses in nice parts of town. they called me an "oreo" while laughing at the uniform clothes my mom found for me in the lost and found. i was the inauthentic one, always, because i didn't think the black scholarship boys, who came from liberty city and overtown and played football, were so exciting as to be worthy of my adoration. my hair wasn't permed or pressed yet, and i liked to read and study and get good grades.
any ____-ness, any identity, has its markers, i know. and i know there are any number of reasons to feel like an outcast in a situation. i also know that i was just a nerd, and that was just as viable a reason for the kids to make fun of me as any other. i guess i just feel like i didn't, and don't, want to have to change to be able to be seen as part of my race. if i can't sit at the cool kids' table, so be it. but to not be black because i don't hate acapella singing groups? damn.
that smarts.
Monday, March 3, 2008
not sure what to write
as i have the equivalent of three different posts in my head right now, all competing for space. i'm also busy at work right now trying to figure some things out, so i think i'm just going to share some random thoughts after the jump.
one.
there's a pushcart across the street from my job. your usual halal affair, with chicken and onions sputtering on the grill. i stopped for a moment today on my walk by because it seemed the cart was unmanned. then i saw the owner of the cart praying. his own moment of devotion, on the corner of 31st street and 8th avenue. it was beautiful.
two.
i've been reading a lot about rebecca walker's post on huffpo re: feminism(s) lately, and i am attending a women's history conference on black feminism at sarah lawrence this weekend, and both of those things have me thinking about redefining my politics. i feel that as i have distanced myself from the academy i have lost sight of my goalposts, you know? those things that are absolutely necessary for my sanity, those things i'm supposed to be working towards. i hope this weekend will be a moment that will allow me to recenter and refocus on those posts, waaaay at the other end of the field.
three.
i talked and laughed so much this weekend that my throat is an eensy-weensy bit hoarse. that's not a bad thing.
until next time, or until my life slows down a bit...
one.
there's a pushcart across the street from my job. your usual halal affair, with chicken and onions sputtering on the grill. i stopped for a moment today on my walk by because it seemed the cart was unmanned. then i saw the owner of the cart praying. his own moment of devotion, on the corner of 31st street and 8th avenue. it was beautiful.
two.
i've been reading a lot about rebecca walker's post on huffpo re: feminism(s) lately, and i am attending a women's history conference on black feminism at sarah lawrence this weekend, and both of those things have me thinking about redefining my politics. i feel that as i have distanced myself from the academy i have lost sight of my goalposts, you know? those things that are absolutely necessary for my sanity, those things i'm supposed to be working towards. i hope this weekend will be a moment that will allow me to recenter and refocus on those posts, waaaay at the other end of the field.
three.
i talked and laughed so much this weekend that my throat is an eensy-weensy bit hoarse. that's not a bad thing.
until next time, or until my life slows down a bit...
Friday, February 22, 2008
barack the vote
i'm up to go to the gym. yes, i know it's 5 a.m., but i had to get up and erase some drunken posts (appletinis are $5 until 9 on weekdays at moca, AND they have the best chicken tenders EVER) about obama and my ex and haters and cake (wtf, right?!) from last night. god, i'm a weirdo sometimes.
anyway, i went to a debate-watching party last night and i left the party, fell asleep, and woke up this morning feeling really pessimistic. i don't know what the root of my pessimism is, so i'm going to try to figure it out here.
things i know:
- i love barack obama. i like his presence, i like his position papers on his website (well enough), i like his wife (and want to be her one day).
- i trust michelle more than i trust barry. i think this comes from my general distrust of men? and i think it's weird that it carries over into politics. but then the personal is political, right?
- i don't trust america. i don't trust this nation to elect the right candidate for the right reasons.
- i don't trust politicians. i feel that there is always spin, and i hate spin. i like straight talk. i am pretty straightforward in my life, which sometimes doesn't serve me too well, and i think that's why i like michelle. she seems to be about straight talk, even when people don't want to hear what she has to say.
- i know that my viewpoints are way too far left to be represented by an "electable" candidate in this country.
random side note: why did i see one of lisa turtle's old outfits at H&M on wednesday? crazy!
Monday, February 18, 2008
a few things i love
- the truth campaign's commercials
- justine and joey's (maybe pretend?) happy marriage on run's house
- these sneakers
Sunday, February 17, 2008
buffitude
the planet fitness on 126th and lenox opens tomorrow morning at 7:00. i will be there, ready to become buff. soon after i will be here, ready to do some challengHering. gotta love the gym.
workout music:
workout music:
Friday, February 15, 2008
okay, for another direction entirely
i'm REALLY EXCITED about the black comedy experiment. i love funny people, but i get tired of the def comedy jam circuit. i also like black people. i am also black.
anyway, the festival looks awesome, and i'm buying a weekend pass. if you're cool you'll consider purchasing a pass as well.
i only hope the dude for whom i left a drunken message a few weeks ago 1) isn't in the festival, and 2) hasn't worked me into his act... :D
anyway, the festival looks awesome, and i'm buying a weekend pass. if you're cool you'll consider purchasing a pass as well.
i only hope the dude for whom i left a drunken message a few weeks ago 1) isn't in the festival, and 2) hasn't worked me into his act... :D
Thursday, February 14, 2008
clarence
i don't know clarence, but he sounds just like my brother in his podcasts. funny, a little random, smart. worth checking out.
http://www.doyouknowclarence.com/
http://www.doyouknowclarence.com/
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
i need a man, part 2
i thought long and hard, and realized that everything else i need from a man is conditional on the specific person, time of my life, and city in which i reside, so i'll just leave with you a little crooning from america's least favorite hip-hop artist, p. diddy** (is that even still his "name"?).
**correction: after 50 cent's comments on obama, he and p. diddy may find themselves in a dead heat for last place...
Saturday, February 2, 2008
this won't make me look good,
but i'm okay with that. i LOVE these cards. very pretty cards that say pretty funny/not so nice/ kinda sweet things. they remind me of a card i sent sonj once regarding a lack of emails... :) and while you should totally buy paper cards, since i'm all about mail and pretty things you can actually feel, you can send JunkMail Greetings as e-cards too! cool!check out JunkMail Greetings!
image courtesy of hatemailgreetings
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
i know i rip off jezebel way too often, but
their montage on whoopi on the view this week is TOO GOOD!
i haven't loved whoopi this much since jumping jack flash!
i can't embed the video, so you have to click through.
enjoy!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
one of those tidbits of info that prove that i'm a freak
did you know that they subbed in another actress as harriet in the last season of family matters? i thought that fresh prince was the only show that depended on the age-old stereotype that all black people look alike to sub in a much lighter-skinned and completely different-looking black woman for another. i'm baffled right now.
and those of you who know me on facebook know about another bafflement from this weekend's television watching:
j.c. chasez?
and those of you who know me on facebook know about another bafflement from this weekend's television watching:
j.c. chasez?
Sunday, January 20, 2008
favorite new feel-good show
how to look good naked, on lifetime!
when the guest today said, "i am going to try to love all of myself, as i am," i realized that there is nothing i like more than carson's new idea for a fashion show that guides women to a new sense of self-perception. it's not your usual makeover show- the women are not put through major workout regimen or given tips for hiding their rolls, nor are their senses of style dismissed. he helps them see themselves differently by looking at themselves from a different perspective. then he buys them a sexy outfit or two and challenges them to do a tastefully nude photoshoot. as usual, joy finds herself crying more often than not. :)
this is SO much better than queer eye!
oh, p.s.: yaya's got a job! go yaya, lifetime needs you. and raven symone. and queen latifah. and tamera mowry?
when the guest today said, "i am going to try to love all of myself, as i am," i realized that there is nothing i like more than carson's new idea for a fashion show that guides women to a new sense of self-perception. it's not your usual makeover show- the women are not put through major workout regimen or given tips for hiding their rolls, nor are their senses of style dismissed. he helps them see themselves differently by looking at themselves from a different perspective. then he buys them a sexy outfit or two and challenges them to do a tastefully nude photoshoot. as usual, joy finds herself crying more often than not. :)
this is SO much better than queer eye!
oh, p.s.: yaya's got a job! go yaya, lifetime needs you. and raven symone. and queen latifah. and tamera mowry?
Friday, January 18, 2008
maybe you don't know the meaning of this word
i didn't. so i'll share it with you, since my aim today at work is to spend ALL of my time doing non-work things, of course.
epicene (\ˈe-pə-ˌsēn\)
epicene (\ˈe-pə-ˌsēn\)
1 of a noun : having but one form to indicate either sex
2 a: having characteristics typical of the other sex : intersexual b: effeminate
3: lacking characteristics of either sex
-definition courtesy of www.m-w.com
Just thought I'd share.
2 a: having characteristics typical of the other sex : intersexual b: effeminate
3: lacking characteristics of either sex
-definition courtesy of www.m-w.com
Just thought I'd share.
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