all of the lights

kanye and i are having one of our many moments as i write this post. i'm just sayin'.

as i come to the end of the portion of my weekend that belongs to me (sunday belongs to lesson planning and grading and cooking and, hopefully, cleaning), i am sitting in my apartment peering at this screen and wondering if it is finally time to face my fears. there's this essay i've been writing for about 6 months now that continues to torment me because it deals with some of the most vulnerable and truthful things i've ever been able/willing to put down on paper. it's about me and all of the aspects of myself that have made me feel less than. it's the truth.

scary stuff, people. and there's a scary deadline attached- february 18th. in part, my return to this blog was not only for its own sake, but specifically for the sake of this article and the anthology it will (hopefully) eventually belong to- if one exists, maybe the other will too?

so now it's time, with my sierra nevada in my hand, for me to attempt to reconnect to 7-year-old me, and 12-year-old me, and 27-year-old me...and talk about all those things that make me question my intelligence and my sex appeal and my "me"-ness. i'll tell you how it goes.

oh also, i planned this whole food post that exists only on a legal pad in my backpack. i promise to make that happen this week because it has a lot of recipe links that "winter you" wants and needs to make your tummy happy.

random post?

i'm not sure why i'm posting, but i am. i'm just home from fun after work, contemplating saturday school tomorrow, and i'm okay. okay with my boyfriend being far, far away, okay with my at-work crush being all crushed out, okay with the huge stack of papers awaiting me, okay with students who struggle to be all they can be, okay with the frustration of life right now. okay with my 27-ness. okay.


good, though, is not here right now. maybe later. maybe next week, or next month, or next year. maybe.

it feels good to write again...though i seemed so much wittier, and interesting then, and the prospect of having to court readers again just feels oh-so-difficult...

boo.

buenas noches, world.