summertime music

my summertime anthems muxtape! joyeux.muxtape.com

still a work in progress...

history made

it finally happened :). now maybe my political fatigue will ebb away.

obama '08.

si se puede!

and i still haven't found what i'm looking for

i am losing interest in blogging, my friends. i am determined to enjoy this spring/summer/fall because last year's were so miserable, and that means spending lots of time outside and very little in. it means walking the streets of central harlem that i love, finding new community gardens, meeting new people, and greeting dogs and babies and toddlers and stray cats. it means drinking wine out of a water bottle with my friend in marcus garvey park. it means drinking tea at the harlem tea room. it means spending time at the gym and then walking down to the harlem meer to work out some more. it means wearing a bikini under my clothes because i look GOOD and i feel GOOD and i'm floridian, which means i can wear a bikini WHENEVER i want with no shame :).

we will see what i have to offer later on. maybe i'll start to pay more attention. but i may not. i may just comb my afro out and walk around happy as a lark because it's almost summer in the city.

enjoy.

i kinda want a greenhouse

i read this article about a new green magnet school in new haven, connecticut, and i have to admit that my first thought was something like "oh, those white kids always get the cool schools!" *sucking teeth* turns out, though, that for once the typical conclusion was an incorrect one-- the kids in the pictures are brown like me! yay! horticulture is awesome, and i love that these students (and really, i would be happy for any students, regardless of race) have the chance to learn how to love the environment.

yay for good school experiments. they don't come along often enough.

the surface of the moon is like:

grooving to your favorite DJ!

(insert booty-shake here) (this was our ItAG warm up tonight, and it swept aaaaaaallll the demeaning crap of my workday away...)

***

i was having a completely shitty day today until i got to ItAG tonight. to quickly give you a sense of what the last 7 weeks have been like...our goals:

*What do we want?*

We want ideas. We want resources. We want inspiration. We want to share
ideas. We want to be challenged. We want to be stimulated. We want engaging
dialogue. We want to use what we learn. We want to understand
theory/practice.

We want to talk about classroom management & negotiating roles. We want
positive & constructive dialogue without denying experience or truth. We
want to know, where are all the males?

*What do we need?*

We need common threads. We need resources. We need active listening. We need
real conversations – with respect, love, and safe space. We need to be open
to ideas, each other, difficulties, and discomfort. We need to find purpose
in education. We need to negotiate the bureaucracies. We need to be a part
of a larger support network. We need realistic application with limited
resources.

*Why are we here?*

We want to get involved. We want to continue prior experience. We want to
share best practices with like minds. We want to empower classroom though
social Justice. We are here to figure out how to negotiate the gap between
politics/intention and practice. We're angry (and there's reason to be.) We
want to look at the works. We want pure enjoyment. We want to reinvigorate
ourselves in practice. We want to talk about empowerment & be a part of
history. We want to analyze the dangers and risks and conflicts
(generational, institutional, cultural…). We want to understand the
potential for symbiotic (reciprocal) relationship between student/teacher.
We want to grow and continue being fighters for our students.


to find a beautiful space in which you can let go is a blessing. NYCoRE did that for me this winter, and i am, like i am so often, very thankful. i've made new connections that touch my heart, and i feel fulfilled. now i just need to throw a party and get everyone together! :)

friday night=

...a long walk along 14th street
...an hour at the strand, and buying 4 books for less than 25 bucks (including a yummy soup cookbook! comfort food, anyone?)
...a manicure
...potato skins and drinks with two smart people in a diner
...more drinks at perks
...getting glared at for over-exuberance in the magic johnson theater
...good time spent with a friend.


not a bad night. not a bad night at all.

may i be happy

was the mantra for yoga practice tonight. i am so glad that my beautiful friend tati decided to make yoga class part of her birthday party tonight! there is nothing like yoga to settle the mind and the body. as i have gotten out of practice with yoga i've forgotten the transformative nature of the practice-- i walked in exhausted tonight, and full of nerves, and walked out rejuvenated and stretched but tired and sore, all at the same time.

the incredible change that comes over the body during a yoga session is unbelievable-- your last downward dog is nothing like the first, your last chattaranga is a 180 from the first, the three closing oms feel like you're speaking a different language than when you opened the session. for $18, you can change your life!


yoga tonight even embodied my challenge to myself this week. i, historically a fearer of inversions, did a shoulder stand tonight. SO proud of myself, and when i released my legs i felt a million times stronger. shoulder stands aren't that hard. they aren't. but i am a coward in a lot of really nonsensical ways (hence the need to face my fears!). my stand wasn't the straightest or the most intricate, but i tried and i felt liberated of the fear that i'd somehow be hurt for good by trying. letting go of fear, that's what it's all about.

so i bought another class, to be used sometime within a month. i'm thinking friday yoga might become a practice of my own.

unlikely suspects

i'm sifting through old files tonight, feeling a little crazed and a lot stressed, and i found this poem i wrote almost three years ago (!) about my boys. i think this file found me because it knew i needed some sustenance. i don't know if i'd write the same way today as i did back then in '05, but i believe in honoring the past so i'll share it with you (again, if you're an old-school reader from back in the lj days):

unlikely suspects

no one thought they would want to be cheerleaders.

they surprised us all

smiling their beautiful smiles,
backflipping as easy as they walk,
giggling as they are caught unawares actually enjoying themselves,
they treat the girls, their friends and sisters and cousins, with a respect that is catching:
they are my little and not-so-little gentlemen.

laughing and playing,
silly they are

at once like (in the comradery) and unlike (in the self-hatred) the
gun-toting
curse-throwing
hypnotiq-drinking
destroyers
that they will be
in so many a mind’s eye
sooner than i would like to think

simply,
happy.

little black boys see the world as their oyster.
they see the world as
jamaica
and the bronx
and DR,
as kingston and santo domingo,
as EBAFF and room 213.
as they grow, so will the world, and it will change them.
if only they knew to be careful
if only they knew to stay happy

i don’t ever want to forget you,
little black boys.

i don’t ever want to forget you,
just like this.

tonight

things that rock about today

1. today is the day after the second meeting of my ItAG (and the first that everyone attended). we played games from "games for actors and non-actors," introduced ourselves, and started to get a taste of what we all bring to the super-positive, awesomely radical educators' table. i left at 9:15 feeling radiant and expansive, and exhausted. good talk about good books is like crack to me, without the horrible post-hit crash :).
2. my promotion (as lukewarm as i felt/feel about it) was announced at work today. it's good to have it finally out in the open. it's also good to have a great officemate to make sense of it all with.
3. restaurant week dinner at amalia with heather and nicole. FAB! from caldo verde to balsamic-glazed short ribs to warm chocolate cake with vanilla foam and caramel ice cream, fancy dinner was worth every single penny. add the pinot/cabernet/syrah blend to that, and you've got near-perfection. good eats and good conversation-- a great way to end a wonderful 48 hours.

what's up next in this oh-so-blissful week?

• a pan-african literary forum reading at the new school tomorrow featuring our friend c. n. adichie
• maybe first fridays at the bronx museum?
• maybe first saturdays at the brooklyn museum?
• maybe a kinda silly obama-love event at piano's on thursday?

i dunno. but having to decide between this many awesome choices is priceless.

welcome to the good life

that kanye jam has been in my head all day, for good reason. kinda like nsekuye, i'm feeling really good about the coming months. i don't know what it is- maybe the new sense of career direction, or the newly reacquired belief in myself, or this incredible feeling of my world expanding in all of the right ways...i don't know.
what i do know, though, is that the next year should be challenging, rewarding, and full of good hard work. all those things i love so much.

i am.

busy, in the best possible way,
excited about possibilities my near future holds,
content with the way things are shaping up,
boldly imagining/molding my life into a much better "place" to be.

january is working out quite nicely.

5 reasons to ride the city bus

1. spotting cool graf/murals around the city that you miss when you're underground:

i was on the bus yesterday down lex. ave. (a route that i've ridden many, many times before), and noticed a mural on 111th that i've never noticed before. it's a de la vega homage to picasso, and it's beautiful. one of the many, many pieces of art that make east harlem a more beautiful place to live that i miss when i ride the train.

2. checking out hot dudes' booties:

there was a dude on the sidewalk yesterday whose booty made me smile. :D and i didn't have to worry about him turning around and seeing me stare, nor did i have to worry about his ass being pressed up against my face during a sharp, unexpected turn. sweet and simple admiration, another bus plus.

3. spotting and coveting other people's clothing:

a woman had the CUTEST BOOTS ON. they were hot. i broke that 10th commandment and coveted the hell out of her footwear. all without her giving me that weird "what the fuck you lookin' at?! fuck outta here!" look that i get so often on the train! (yes, i get the look often. no, i won't tell you why.)

4. hmm maybe i only have three reasons:
   

oh well. fresh out of shit to say. that's what i get for getting up at 8:30 to "work" when i didn't get home 'til 3:15. stay up, my friends.

oh, and happy mlk day tomorrow! i will be at BAM's annual event, maybe you should be too!

anyone going to be in san jose in march?

info on the exhibition that will include my LTLYM photo:

The show is called This Show Needs You. All of the art exhibited relies on some kind of collaboration in making the work. The LTLYM project is a wonderful example of such a collaboration and I am very pleased that your work will be included. Other artists in the exhibition include: Linda Montano, Lori Gordon, Michael Smit, the Love Art Lab (Annie Sprinkle and Elizabeth Stephens), and Sara Thacher. The exhibition dates are March 28-May 17, 2008. We will have an opening reception on March 28 from 6 - 8 pm.
***

if you'll be in nor cal near the end of march, i'd love it if you went to see! i might even love you if you were to take a picture of my picture, hanging on a museum wall!

the hair journey

come august 2008, i will have marked the 7th anniversary of my embracing my hair. it was almost seven years ago that i took out the first braids i'd ever had and, upon trying unsuccessfully to get them fully out, decided to cut my hair short without giving it the touch-up my mother so badly wanted for it.

i still remember the night i decided to go for it. my mom literally got my aunts on the phone, and each of the pleaded with me--
"you don't really want to do this, girl!"
"don't you want someone to marry you?"
"but you have such beautiful hair! why would you want to do that to it?"

funnily, the perm i had to beg my mother to give me in 7th grade was the same process that i was begging her to support my leaving behind. the process was slow, and definitely not sure. my father has spent 3-5 of the last 7 years asking me when i was going to "get over" this phase, and even now, in his acceptance, he has his setbacks.

i find myself reflecting on hair this morning because i think i may have finally found some products that i love (!). curl junkie was, until recently, my answer. but lately my scalp has been feeling a little raw, so i thought i'd look for something that's a little less harsh. my oyin handmade order just showed up at my doorstep, and not a moment too soon!

the honey wash- my hair has never been happier. soft even before the conditioner comes to visit! and my scalp doesn't feel stripped and raw, either.
shine and define- adds shine and definition without making my curls hard, and is so light that i thought i'd opened the wrong container.

i know this probably feels like a bad ad, but i can't help but share the wondrousness that is oyin. my head is soooo happy!

1st saturdays, the caribbean, spoken word

saw suheir hammad at the brooklyn museum last night. she was amazing. she makes quite a case for hybrid identities and the power they can impart to one's consciousness. we are all hybrids in a way, i guess, but some people can express the fuck out of the crossroads they are built upon.
leila buck also read a really interesting excerpt from her new play, "in the crossing."
what was really interesting was being there with my two younger sisters and two friends from work. i work at a non-sectarian non-profit that was founded in the name of a rabbi. many/most of the higher-ups at the org are very pro-israel, and more specifically very pro-jew. they bring israel into every conversation possible. now my coworkers don't necessarily have the same outlook, but to be anti-israel and to express your viewpoints in that space would definitely be a nasty trap.
these writers are pretty anti-israel. one is palestinian, one is lebanese. the discomfort on our row was palpable even after the four disruptive little boys a row ahead of us were carted away by their mom.
interesting.

suheir's performance touched me in some incredible way. there's something about poetry that holds on to me and won't let go, something i can't quite define. i think it's the condensation of experiences, feelings and thoughts, all into a few words, you know? like it packs a freaking punch.


this video also includes a bit by black ice. suheir starts around 3:30.

the museum's contemporary caribbean art exhibit was AMAZING. there was so much to think about, packed into these three rooms. i'm going to have to return one day, alone, and do some more quiet thinking.

the other thing that made me happy about first saturdays was that it reminded me of all the connections i've made to this city in the last almost-three years. i ran into four people from different parts of my life there, and they reconnected me to who i am, and who i want to be. i love being connected to people, making friends. time to get out and do more of it.

plans for engagement this winter:

• joining an NYCoRE ItAG group on paulo freire and augusto boals
• joining the planet fitness that is going to open on 125th and lenox--membership will be just $19/month! (it won't break my new year's resolution bank, either :))
• well, that's all i have for now. but i think they're good starts, right? ;)
  

OH MY GOD, HE TOOK IOWA?!

wow. i went to bed early last night, just randomly got up to pee and thought i'd stop by my comp on the way to relief. but when i saw the nytimes.com headline about barack winning iowa, um, i started to freak out. like, freak. out. on the toilet i'm gesticulating wildly, staring at the mirror with this pride, like, "A BLACK MAN TOOK IOWA!!!!!!!!!" and i'm kind of crying right now.

the funny thing is, i didn't know i was such an obama supporter. i didn't know. i thought i was torn between barack and hillary. but i've never felt anything like this insane flurry of giddy disbelief/pride/happiness. do i think he'll win? i don't know. do i think there are no flaws in his campaign, or that his triumph will make discussions of race in this country move in a new, more positive direction? not necessarily. but am i going to start believing in the "audacity of hope"? hell yes. i am going to hope the HELL out of barack obama's ability to change our country, even if just a little bit, for the better.

now i need to squeeze in my last half hour of rest.

p.s. DUDE i've always been one of those fairweather friends, haven't i? i think i just didn't want to get my hopes up with barack. but he got me, he got me good. :)

a funky picture of my jogging outfit= art?

my learning to love you more assignment, #55 "photograph a significant outfit," is apparently quite engaging to some. they originally asked me if it could be included in the LTLYM book, but i didn't get my shit together in time to actually take care of that.
i got an email yesterday about it potentially being included in an art show in california in the coming year-- swanky! i'm thinking i want to do another assignment sometime soon. any ideas?

langston hughes made my father laugh out loud tonight

and my father doesn't laugh out loud very often. the black nativity caught him by surprise, i think. we all enjoyed it. the black church is the black church, through and through. whenever i wonder why black people in america can't let go of jesus, i remember that jesus' story is the ultimate "rags to riches" tale. he succeeded (in a way that doesn't jibe with capitalist culture's definition of success) in spite of the incredible odds of being born in a manger, no crib for a bed. all too familiar of a story for the descendants of slaves, living in a country whose dominant group too often proclaimed that there was "no room at the inn" for blacks. jesus, therefore, is very appealing.
for those of you that don't know, my father was given a promotion recently that means that he and my mother will be moving back to miami in summer 2008. there are lots of feelings around the move, for all of us, but i think i have a particular relationship to the move because miami is the last place that i truly called home. i think it will be interesting to go back because i'm pretty sure that upon my arrival i will realize that miami isn't really home anymore, and it may be almost as foreign to me as las vegas still is after almost 8 years.
one major part of my preparation for this move is that i have to "clean out" my room here in the vegas house. my mother claims i have a lot of stuff here. i couldn't disagree more, as i'm not even allowed to stay in "my" room most of the time, and am pushed around like little more than a visiting mutt. but that is another story. i started to look around tonight, and found a few precious gems of my adolescence in the process.
pictures: homecoming, junior prom, senior prom, my first ballet recital, me in my "i spent the night in bimini" nightgown, church camp.
jewelry: all those shitty little bracelets and plastic earrings you collect while you're in high school, and actually spend time at the mall.
more pictures: the march on washington for affirmative action, back in...02? sonja's bday party, same year. more shitty jewelry.
notebooks: a cuban "vidal" notebook, complete with notes from one of my classes at la universidad de la habana. and this, a weird poem that i'm not sure i wrote:

like most men who wear monstrous helmets,
the pressure it exerts is enough to convince him of its practical infinity.

her mind is a pink meshbag
filled with baby toes.

-unknown, or me.
if you've read those four lines of weirdness before, somewhere else, please share. if not, and if you happen to be an agent who thinks they're genius, drop me a line. :)

buenas noches.

happy,

even though i just got an email from my old roommate about rent that i don't owe.

happy even though thanksgiving is next week and i have to call my cousins who are going to make me feel completely uncomfortable.

happy even though i don't have any potential sex partners on the horizon, and i need some.

happy, even though arriving at the 125th street ACBD station means thinking about him, and how that used to be our station, and how he's probably always in it with someone else now.

happy, because i deserve to be.

more audre--

quiet.....love hangs
in the door of my house
a sheet of brick-caught silk
rent in the sun.

~audre lorde, "echo"