so do you remember this blast from the past? p. diddy and usher sharing a laundry list of the things their "girl"s needed to be in order to make them happy? well i think it's time we ladies made a laundry list of our own.
i had two somewhat disturbing conversations this weekend with female friends who have decided that much of the abhorrent behavior displayed by men is "to be expected." you know, things like lying and cheating, using women for their bodies, being arrogant and selfish, needing the women in their lives to pretend to be weak in order to highlight their "manliness." i have trouble with that notion. i don't know why i would be interested in settling for a partner (for life or for a week) who isn't interested in doing the sort of self-maintenance (mentally and emotionally) that i do. i don't expect anything from a man that i don't also expect from myself. so this morning, i've decided to make my "i need a man" list.
(funnily enough, my dad told me to make a list like this a long time ago and i thought the idea was crazy. silly me. dave is no fool.)
be this, or be gone list
- honest. and by honest i don't mean just when it suits you. i mean respect and love me enough to tell me the truth, even when the truth is not about you being disappointed in me, but rather you being disappointed in yourself.
- able to admit that you're wrong. this is actually a challenge for me. it's something i work on, and something that most of my friends struggle with as well (ahem, friend-of-mine out there! mark-paul gosselaar??). it's natural to want to be right, but sometimes in a relationship your partner needs to hear that you know what you did was wrong and that you'll work on it.
- well-groomed. and by that i don't mean that you have to get man manicures. but please wear a decent pair of jeans, a matching shirt, and have a pair of cute shoes. i like a man that looks and smells good. just don't bring the pretty-boy arrogance with you.
- in possession of a nice smile. there are things i can deal with-- awkward movement, lack of rhythm, slightly effeminate affectations...it's all love. one thing, though, that i'm not down with is a man who doesn't know who their dentist is. figure it out. and halitosis is not a terminal sickness. you can cure that shit.
- not broke. no need to be uncle scrooge and swimming through cash in your personal safe (did anyone else ever think that looked painful?) , but have enough to be comfortable picking up the bill every once in awhile. i don't require especially expensive restaurants with a dude, and i'm happy to cook at home (with you, not just for you), but when we have a nice night out, don't get stuck trying to tabulate your bank balance in your head, asking if i have any cash for the tip.
- knowledgeable about the hanging of mirrors. i have a mirror that i've needed hung for about 4 months now. glass makes me nervous, so i haven't wanted to chance it with just my google-knowledge. and, unlike my life in cali, there's no home depot around the corner with do-it-herself classes. i need you, man.