i miss the women in my life

the good ones. the smart ones. the ones that will tell me how fucked up i am. the thoughtful ones. the ones that think faster than me. the ones that will take care of me when i mess up. the ones that know which boy i'm staring at. the ones that know my weaknesses, the ones that hear my muttered comments to myself. the ones i trust. there are so few of them in my daily circle, in my weekly one, nowadays. i feel unanchored and unsure. i miss my friends.

celebrating independence

i'm back. for a minute.

i actually felt it this weekend. a true sense of independence for myself. i went up to vermont to visit my best friend from high school's family, and not only was it an awesome weekend (iwentsailingandhotairballooningandswamandatetonsandhungoutwiththecutest2and4year oldseverandlaughedandsanganddidyogaandohdidimentionthehotairballoon? COOL!), but i also felt this sense of being free from my usually constant needs. good stuff.

one cool picture for yas-

password

random note: i don't know if this is happening to you, but a weird pop-down menu greets me when i come to my own blog, asking if i have a password. i don't know what the fuck that is. i am sorry if you're experiencing it as well. if you're not, i am worried about the state of my sorry computer...

also, this is not turning out to be the best week ever. fuck it all, vh1, why can't you leave a little "best"-ness for the rest of us? having a lot of drama at work, created a little personal drama for myself by pressing the wrong button on my cellphone (numerous times) tonight, and am looking at even more drama presenting itself in the office tomorrow. at least i have good friends (new and old) to help me figure it all out (and/or to listen to me babble nonsensically and offer necessarily nonsensical advice).

it's only tuesday.

bring it on, week! i think i'm ready.

what will NCLB mean in 2008?

i dunno, and after a long debate last night, i'm not sure i'm ready to start to even think about it. my pal r. l'heureux lewis, though, ruminates upon the subject over at the root. check it out: "Please Leave it Behind."

things that rock about today

1. today is the day after the second meeting of my ItAG (and the first that everyone attended). we played games from "games for actors and non-actors," introduced ourselves, and started to get a taste of what we all bring to the super-positive, awesomely radical educators' table. i left at 9:15 feeling radiant and expansive, and exhausted. good talk about good books is like crack to me, without the horrible post-hit crash :).
2. my promotion (as lukewarm as i felt/feel about it) was announced at work today. it's good to have it finally out in the open. it's also good to have a great officemate to make sense of it all with.
3. restaurant week dinner at amalia with heather and nicole. FAB! from caldo verde to balsamic-glazed short ribs to warm chocolate cake with vanilla foam and caramel ice cream, fancy dinner was worth every single penny. add the pinot/cabernet/syrah blend to that, and you've got near-perfection. good eats and good conversation-- a great way to end a wonderful 48 hours.

what's up next in this oh-so-blissful week?

• a pan-african literary forum reading at the new school tomorrow featuring our friend c. n. adichie
• maybe first fridays at the bronx museum?
• maybe first saturdays at the brooklyn museum?
• maybe a kinda silly obama-love event at piano's on thursday?

i dunno. but having to decide between this many awesome choices is priceless.

sometimes the wonderfulness of friends astounds me

i feel so lucky to have my friends sometimes. today one of my older, wiser friends and i had a chat. nothing too intense-- she set me up to visit a school and then we rode the train downtown together from 231st street up in the bronx. we were interrupted by calls to our cells and random silences. nothing special, yet the insights i gained from her are infinitely valuable. i trust her opinion, and it wasn't until i was sitting next to her in her car this morning that i realized i had so much to ask.

i don't know what i would do without friends like her. and i'm grateful to my time in new york if only because my first job here gifted me my relationship with her and with another friend, chris. having women whose footsteps are just the right size and shape for you to follow is really nice. and to have role models that aren't so far away as to be inaccessible is what my mother would call a blessing.

feeling thankful.

i feel like dancing

and hopefully the beautiful women of the square rootz collective will dance with me.


back in the BK this weekend (third weekend in a row?!), living my life like it's golden.

work it!

1st saturdays, the caribbean, spoken word

saw suheir hammad at the brooklyn museum last night. she was amazing. she makes quite a case for hybrid identities and the power they can impart to one's consciousness. we are all hybrids in a way, i guess, but some people can express the fuck out of the crossroads they are built upon.
leila buck also read a really interesting excerpt from her new play, "in the crossing."
what was really interesting was being there with my two younger sisters and two friends from work. i work at a non-sectarian non-profit that was founded in the name of a rabbi. many/most of the higher-ups at the org are very pro-israel, and more specifically very pro-jew. they bring israel into every conversation possible. now my coworkers don't necessarily have the same outlook, but to be anti-israel and to express your viewpoints in that space would definitely be a nasty trap.
these writers are pretty anti-israel. one is palestinian, one is lebanese. the discomfort on our row was palpable even after the four disruptive little boys a row ahead of us were carted away by their mom.
interesting.

suheir's performance touched me in some incredible way. there's something about poetry that holds on to me and won't let go, something i can't quite define. i think it's the condensation of experiences, feelings and thoughts, all into a few words, you know? like it packs a freaking punch.


this video also includes a bit by black ice. suheir starts around 3:30.

the museum's contemporary caribbean art exhibit was AMAZING. there was so much to think about, packed into these three rooms. i'm going to have to return one day, alone, and do some more quiet thinking.

the other thing that made me happy about first saturdays was that it reminded me of all the connections i've made to this city in the last almost-three years. i ran into four people from different parts of my life there, and they reconnected me to who i am, and who i want to be. i love being connected to people, making friends. time to get out and do more of it.

plans for engagement this winter:

• joining an NYCoRE ItAG group on paulo freire and augusto boals
• joining the planet fitness that is going to open on 125th and lenox--membership will be just $19/month! (it won't break my new year's resolution bank, either :))
• well, that's all i have for now. but i think they're good starts, right? ;)
  

what a way to start the new year

new year. what does it mean?

1. latoya over at racialicious linked to this article, "make a list you can't miss," and my list of ways to improve/organize my financial life is well on its way.
2. i called the ex and squashed the nasty non-thing that has cropped up between us over the last six months. or at least i squashed it for me. i apologized for ugly things i've said and done, and secured a "virtual handshake," and i for one feel much, much better. i think my forgiveness process has come to an end, and just in time for the new year.
3. a healthier me. i'm committed to being a healthier me this year, incorporating good food and exercise all the time, not just when i think my ass has gotten too big (though the ass is shrinking at a good rate right now, thanks very much).
4. feeling good about myself is at a high priority this year. that means dressing well and thinking even weller (;)) about who i am and how i look. it means seeking out opportunities to make me proud of myself. 2007 was a little lacking in that department.

i would love to sit down at this computer at this time next year feeling strong and uncompromised. i would love to take stock of the coming 12 months and think about how positive they were-- that i did good things for myself and others. it feels good to have a challenge. :)

p.s.! one last thing! i am going to go to nicaragua to visit my friend bk-j! i need to make it happen.

the entertainer

1) this is my 101st blog post! yay! i'm glad i'm back to writing, especially because it's about things other than my broken/breaking/confused heart. my heart has figured itself out, and i now have time to entertain.
2) entertaining is a lot of fun. i had friends over last night, and then melissa and i had a few friends over for dinner tonight, and i am such a happy camper! i am truly my parents' daughter in that i love inviting people into my home. i like to bring people into my presence. we osbornes are quite the social butterflies...though i'm more like a social caterpillar. :)

had a good weekend

lots of terry, lots of sonja, lots of laughs. a little weird boy-drama, but mostly all in good fun. had a little party at my spot, and got reeaaallly drunk. :) don't remember a whole lot of it, but i do know that i was in good company.
things are good. i wish i were able to truly say that i've moved on, that my heart is healed, but i can't, and while this weekend proved that, i am definitely surviving/sobreviviendo. (i like the spanish version of the word survive, "sobrevivir," because it sounds like over-living. like you're not just making it, but doing more than you have to.)
work is good...making chocolate pumpkin pie for a party on thursday, and i'm excited about that. it seems strange sometimes-- i'm not always sure that i have a set direction for what i'm doing-- but i do enjoy my coworkers. i enjoy the feeling of learning, and stretching. it's like my brain is getting a long-needed workout. being surrounded by smart, funny, thoughtful, challenging young women is never a bad thing, either.
not sure where/how to end this post. so i'll just say good night.

p.s. how did this season of "curb your enthusiasm" end with larry david and vivica a. fox hooking up? and does john legend have braces? cuz for a minute during his cameo it seemed like maybe that was the case. and really, why, vivica? why?

these are the moments when i love new york

when cabbies are nicer than they need to be, and offer to take you farther than your money will take you to make sure you're safe...

when you know where to get fucking taste-tastic nachos at 1 a.m....

when getting away from a man is the best thing you've done all night...

when you have friends you can trust and enjoy without holding back.

new york can be pretty incredible, every once in awhile.

mexican chocolate torte, topped with chocolate ganache

sssh, don't tell heather, it's for her birthday!

cake....


and ganache so shiny you can see my 'fro in it....



equal yummy birthday wishes. :)