mint.com

debt free by 2012. that's what i wanna be. i spent this week talking to my far-more-financially savvy work associates in boston and realized that i have a LOT to do before i can consider myself financially "grown up." when a friend is 25 and has $40K in liquid assets, and i'm still wondering how to afford a vacation every year, houston, we have a problem. granted, i'm one of the few teachers i know who actually paid for grad school, and one of the few general idiots who went to a private school, but there should still be a little leeway, right?

credit card debt begone. may 2012.

i did it

i submitted something. it probably won't be winning me any awards, but i did it. i climbed up over my fear and timidity and fatigue and submitted a final draft of a personal essay, written by me. i'm proud of myself, darn it!

and now i'm in boston, beginning a week of networking and teaching and socializing and learning. things are good.

yeah. what she said.

right?

i don't give a s***.

i shouldn't feel any lonelier today than i did yesterday right? or than i'll feel tomorrow? right?

28 is hard

duro. dificil. hard in french, whatever that word is. you get my meaning. this late-20's/early-30's stuff can push a lady to her limits. as i spend time each week supporting my dear, wonderful, smart, thoughtful and mostly single ladyfriends, i recognize that the struggles i face aren't just mine (even though they feel that way sometimes :)). this is just that time of life when all the amazing paths you thought you had open seem to be closing around you and all of a sudden you're not sure all of the hard work and pain and tears you put into this life of yours will end up being worth it. it's when you're forced to face your twenties and wonder if you made the right choices. there's no way to know, so you just have to keep swimming.

at 23, i felt like this:


and now i feel like this dude:


boo.

last but not least

f'awesome TED talk:



**hi brave star! i missed you...and the blogosphere...**

---

boy, this blog has been around awhile...

on the wonders of grief
the past comes to visit

these are a few of my favorite things

i've been reading bianca for years now (since 2005, in fact) and her beauty as well as her eye for it never cease to amaze me. she is, as always, way cooler than me, and therefore has a tumblr that you should REALLY check out. suenos.

mmm. my name is joy. and i fancy myself a baker. so when i want to bake or cook or just luxuriate in something, i often go looking for joy the baker. some of my faves:
vegan pumpkin walnut bread (two loaves ready to go in the fridge RIGHT NOW)
whole wheat choc chip cookies
ginger chocolate chip cookies

and sometimes i go to joy for a good soup:
ginger lentil
kale and sweet potato

deb at smitten kitchen makes my savory life worth living in all sorts of ways.

whenever i'm looking for something soupy, shutterbean makes me smile.

and when i just want inspiration, this joy+ride is a pretty awesome solution.

and then, when i want to dream about that idyllic summer day when i have nothing to do, noone to call and nothing to say except quiet murmurs shared with the friends i care for the most, i let my mind drift to the poet's loft. can't wait.

this is what i do when i can't work an ounce more and i don't give a crap about the superbowl. go figure.

i'm a fan

habit

pretty pictures, pieces of life.

things still aren't quite flowing...

so here's an old love poem i ran across in my google docs. the person this is about is long out of my life and my heart, but it's one of the few poems i've written that i can read without wincing (not quite true, but still).

missing

missing you

missing you is like a phantom limb,
the spot in my chest where my love for you resided

aches on rainy days
wakes me up on muggy nights
catches me in the middle of sentences and meetings, unawares.

missing you is like my toothache
it comes and goes
a dull pain i'm not sure how to get rid of

i know it will go away
i know.
i just wish there were a way to replay
the sweet beginnings,
the before instead of the after,
i wish there were a way to dwell in the sweet nights
and the early mornings,
the light instead of the dark.

the future won't return you to me, i know.
so dwelling on the past, which held such promise, will have to be enough.

all of the lights

kanye and i are having one of our many moments as i write this post. i'm just sayin'.

as i come to the end of the portion of my weekend that belongs to me (sunday belongs to lesson planning and grading and cooking and, hopefully, cleaning), i am sitting in my apartment peering at this screen and wondering if it is finally time to face my fears. there's this essay i've been writing for about 6 months now that continues to torment me because it deals with some of the most vulnerable and truthful things i've ever been able/willing to put down on paper. it's about me and all of the aspects of myself that have made me feel less than. it's the truth.

scary stuff, people. and there's a scary deadline attached- february 18th. in part, my return to this blog was not only for its own sake, but specifically for the sake of this article and the anthology it will (hopefully) eventually belong to- if one exists, maybe the other will too?

so now it's time, with my sierra nevada in my hand, for me to attempt to reconnect to 7-year-old me, and 12-year-old me, and 27-year-old me...and talk about all those things that make me question my intelligence and my sex appeal and my "me"-ness. i'll tell you how it goes.

oh also, i planned this whole food post that exists only on a legal pad in my backpack. i promise to make that happen this week because it has a lot of recipe links that "winter you" wants and needs to make your tummy happy.