this is just not acceptable/just so predictable

so. yeah.

the noose on the professor's door at TC.

yeah.

i'm fucking angry. partly because of the noose, but mostly because this song seems to be on repeat. three and a half years ago i was on a college campus that experienced a hate crime that was later exposed to be a hoax. key to that conversation was the fact that the atmosphere of hate and racism had long existed before the hate crime, and that was only proven by the fact that the "hoax" was oh-so-believable when it happened. this came after a cross was burned on the campus of a neighboring school, by students who claimed it was "no big deal." an administration that tried to pat everything back into place.

i fell apart that night, the night the car was vandalized. i cried, and i called my parents and asked them to take me away. i am angry that any other student on a college campus for an experience that is most likely putting them into a life's worth of debt (or not) ever has to feel like they aren't wanted.

i shouldn't be surprised. i know these things. but sometimes the anger erupts and i lose my ability to focus, to dissemble, to assure the people around me that the world isn't killing me day by day with its bullshit, to tell myself that i'm "just fine."

this is some fucking bullshit.