so i knew i'd have to end it eventually. i even knew that it would have to be soon. i didn't know, though, that it would be this morning. that i would do it between brushing my teeth and putting on my socks, that it would make me feel relieved and miserable all at once, all together. i didn't know that it would make me feel like i lost my only friend. i didn't know that i wouldn't want to meet anyone else. i didn't know that i wouldn't even want to be me.
now i have to pull it together for a day of teaching and a night of interviewing. i have to pull it together. i did the crying already, or so i thought. but when i heard his voice just now it all fell apart.
i could have, would have, truly loved that man.